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The existence of Black people in this country (USA) is rooted in an extremely complicated past. By complicated, I mean children being taken from their Mothers and sold into slavery. Women being raped by the Master in order to produce more slaves. Husbands being emasculated by the Master in front of his wife and family; ultimately leaving him powerless. Did I mention women being raped in front of their husbands? Again, leaving the Black man powerless to protect her. Hundreds of years of beating, lynching, and being treated like animals has definitely taken a toll on our ethnic group as a whole. For hundreds of years Black women have been unprotected, and not just because of the cruelty of slavery.


Years after slavery ended the lack of protection continued due to the mistreatment and status of African American people. This system of being unprotected has created a storm between Black men and women. Over time Black mothers have taught their Black daughters to take care of themselves, provide for yourself, take care of your children – because men can walk away, and dedicate yourself to your work-, which in a twisted way is the current version of the Master!

Now we have Black men and women that struggle with understanding and dating one another because Black men think Black women are too independent. Black women think Black men can’t provide for them or protect them. Are we giving each other a chance or are we entering situations with preconceived notions? I hope I can clear some things up for both parties. An independent woman is simply a woman that can pay her own bills without leaching off of a man. That’s not a bad thing, right? Does money make a man? Just because a man may not make as much money as a woman (his woman), doesn’t decrease his value as a man. A man’s salary regardless if it’s more, less, or equal to a woman’s does not define his worth as a man.

There is no need to try to emasculate a Black man about anything. Especially, when he has the world already chipping away at him. There is no need to get upset with a Black woman because she’s expressing her feelings. The world is already telling her that she’s angry or calling her a “bitch” whenever she tries to express herself. It’s important to build each other up. If we don’t build each other up, who will?

Some Suggestions

You have to communicate with one another, which requires listening, or it’s not effective! Allow your man to be a man. Allow him to do things for you. Make him feel needed. Don’t be afraid to stroke his ego. Listen to him without interruption. Be cautious of your tone when speaking to him. After all he’s your companion not your child. Show him that when the worlds against him you are for him. Verbally express that you are on board with his dreams, and be sure your actions demonstrate that same support. Let him feel your nurturing side even if it’s by doing something simple like cooking or giving him a massage.

Tell your Black woman how beautiful she is. Listen to her without interruption. Make her feel like she’s safe with you. Be protective over her. Women appreciate the small things, so pay attention to her. Show her off in public. There is nothing wrong with being proud of the woman you’re with. Show her that you love her. Support her goals. Instead of telling her what to do make suggestions. Make her feel desired. Treat her like you would want a man to treat your daughter.

I’m not going to pretend to have all the answers. I don’t even think I have half the answers. However, I do believe this is a start. I know that we can operate more cohesively if we tried.

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