1st of the month

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It’s the first of the month! Time to set new goals! How much holiday food did you eat? I had more macaroni and cheese than I’d like to admit to eating. It’s back to the workout grind! Especially if you slowed down or didnt workout at all while you enjoyed those days off for Thanksgiving.

The beginning of the month is a great time to start new fitness goals! I’m starting a new eating plan today. Afterall losing weight is 80% of what you eat and 20% of working out. So, if you’re one of those people that hate to workout switch up the amount that you are putting on your plate. Eating on a saucer helps. If it can’t fit on the saucer it’s too much.

The meal plan I’ve created for myself is very little to no carbs/starch, little to no dairy, and I can only have something sweet (sugary) one day out the week. I’m going to go as long as I can without sweets. I’m somewhat addicted to them! Statistically it’s better to adjust the amount of your intake rather than completely removing certain foods drastically. It’s all mind over matter.

However, so many people associate food with emotions, and special occasions it makes healthy eating challenging. Every little bit counts! If you’re looking for a workout plan contact A&D Fitness, and they’ll get you together. Here is their Facebook page link➡️https://www.facebook.com/AanDFitness/ I have a great workout regimen from them that I do in my living room! You’ll definitely sweat!

Email me TheAshleyRaeBrand@gmail.com or leave a comment to let me know if you have any health goals this month. We can check each others progress and motivate each other.

Happy beginning of the month!

 

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Drew Barrymore

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Random Rant: I wasn’t suppose to post this blog until December 1st, but I just heard that SZA was nominated for 5 Grammys! I’m so excited for her that I just could not wait! It makes my heart happy that someone could articulate so many different stages of growth that has affected so many people.

 

I began listening to SZA’s album “CTRL” a few months back. I hadn’t even heard her popular track “Love Galore” on the radio yet. I saw some people talking about her music on Twitter. Then I remembered hearing her on Rihanna’s album.  I always listen to new albums and artist the same way from beginning to end.

I had just arrived at the gym and climbed onto the stair climber and hit play on my IPhone. I listened to every song and interlude during my workout and finished the rest of the album on my way home. The next day I did the same thing. By the end of that week I had reviewed the lyrics and selected my favorite songs. Sza does an excellent job of boldly stating the thought and feelings that women often have when dealing with love, or what we think is love. The first track is called “Supermodel,” the very first verse sticks out tremendously. SZA sings “I’m writing this letter to let you know I’m really leaving And no, I’m not keeping your shit. Heard you got some new homies, got some new homies, even a new hoe too.” The verse may seem awkward to read, but trust me it’s quite catchy when singing.

It’s almost like Sza read the world her diary with a beat behind the words. I admire her raspy yet sultry R&B sound. Sza has been receiving tons of praise and love for her album. However, it has come to my attention that so many people are concerned about her track titled “The Weekend.” The Weekend describes Sza being in a love triangle with a man who has a woman. Her exact words are “You’re like 9-5 and I’m the weekend.”

She describes wanting him to do certain sexual things with her etc. Of course you have women on their high horse speaking negatively about the song and Sza for creating the song. In reality all Sza’s doing is telling a story that many women are familiar with. It doesn’t matter if you knew at the beginning of the situationship, or if you found out as it ended. Either way, you were still in the situation!

The topic of this song is bothersome to me because I am sick of women attacking other women, and also because there are so many other songs on the CTRL (control) album that deserve our attention! There are so many songs on the album that expresses other scenarios, feelings, and insecurities that women experience while trying to grow, find themselves, and find love that we should be highlighting and discussing! I mean that from track number 1, which is “Supermodel”all the way down to track number 14, which is titled “20 Something.” Everything in between is soul touching.

I titled this article “Drew Barrymore,” because I love Drew Barrymore as an actress and it’s one of my favorite songs on Sza’s album that deserves our attention and discussion. Sza named this particular track Drew Barrymore because she said the lyrics would be perfect for a role the actress Drew Barrymore played in such movies as “Poison Ivy,” “Boys on the side,”  and Never Been kissed!”

 

The album in its entirety is about self-worth and self-love. We discuss showing self-worth and self-love, but we often dismiss the feelings that we have about ourselves that demonstrate the lack of self-worth and love. On the CTRL album Sza openly talks about those negative thoughts, and the overactive consciousness of our brains that often trick us into untruths about ourselves, and others. It even highlights how we’re afraid to lose control even though there is nothing we can do about certain situations. Which, creates the art of letting go!

Listen to the CTRL album for yourself. If you’ve already listened to it,  listen to it again! Listen with less judgement on what you claim your morals and standards are! Listen with open ears, an open mind, and an open heart.

 

Thanks for visiting LetsTalkRaeStyle.com

I Didn’t Always Love My Fro

Lil Fro's Blog

By Anna Antwi


When I was young I didn’t always like my hair. I didn’t want to embrace my kinky-coily afro. Instead, I wished for long straight hair like my classmates.

I didn’t really pay attention to the texture of my hair until I moved out of London to a small town in Sussex with my family. I had moved from a very diverse environment to a place where I was the only black girl in my class. This affected me as I grew up because I always felt like the odd one out.

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Beauty with Destiny.

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Destiny(Photo of Destiny with makeup applied by Destiny.)

Hello Beauty lovers! I’m Destiny and I’ll be bringing you beauty tips and techniques. Let me tell you a little about myself! I’m a professional Makeup artist and cosmetologist. I attended and graduated from Paul Mitchell Cosmetology school in Sterling Heights, MI. As a cosmetologist, I specialize in slaying faces A.K.A. applying makeup!

Honestly, I never thought that I would work in the beauty industry: Even though beauty has never been shy of my childhood. I’m not sure where I inherited this gift or interest from, because my Mom’s one of those women who can’t do anything as far as beauty for herself. However, I use to watch my Grandmother get ready with her fancy clothes, wigs, and makeup.

Just watching her transform was always so fascinating to me. Not to mention she would purposely let me play in my aunts black lipstick that she hated so much lol. As I got older I began experimenting with makeup, and experimenting with my look. I played mostly with eye shadow and lipstick. By the time I was 16 I had tons of eyeshadow pallets, from gifts to my grandmothers old pallets.

I remember having my grandfather help me put dye in my hair for the first time,  and it was BLONDE! I was so scared I kept asking him so many questions to the point where he screamed and said “I don’t know any more than what the box says, Destiny!” My mom came home in complete shock. I put her through a lot with my experimenting! Our house would often smell like a 24/7 salon. 

I started my own business after high school called Sweet Cake Nails, where I would go to little girls party’s, and give them manicures with cartoon nail art. I guess you could say I always dabbled in beauty! However, attending Paul Mitchell molded me into the professional I’ve become today. After all Paul Mitchell is known as “The cosmetology school” of all cosmetology schools! I remember when I thought I’d never have clients and now everyday I wake up there is someone booking with me,  or asking me about makeup. At 23 I am definitely still growing in this industry, and I’m enjoying the experience of it all. 

 

I’ve been doing makeup professionally for a few years now, and I learn something new almost everyday. Makeup artist Should be perfecting their craft daily. I’m aspiring to be that person to help you with your makeup journey. I also create wigs and I can do nails! I’m all things beauty wrapped up in one! However, makeup is my love!

Below are some of my favorite inexpensive products that can be found at your local Drug store, and beauty supply. You can achieve bomb makeup looks with products listed.

1. Milani Conceal & Perfect 2-in-1 foundation,

2. Maybelline FIT ME. The Maybelline fit me concealer is a good product also.

3. LA girl concealer and it’s about $5 cheaper than the Maybelline!

4. Black Opal is great setting powder. Black Opal has amazing products for black women. It has good pigmentation and doesn’t leave that Casper the friendly ghost flashback we all hate.

5. Airspun. You have to be careful with this if too much is applied, you won’t need help finding Casper that night.

6. Lastly, Setting Spray Elf & Nyx Cosmetics are my top favorite for any drugstore setting spray.

Those are just a few for the face, I will have more of my favorite products listed on this site and, I’ll also provide tips, take suggestions, & answer questions, etc! You can also subscribe to my Youtube channel to watch tutorials, ask questions, and interact with me as well! 

Stay tuned for more beauty with Destiny on LetsTalkRaeStyle.com

Subscribe to my Youtube channel- http://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_m7uaDJKWwiTMXz42lWlvA

Follow me on Instagram- @MakeupDestiny

Raphael Wright: For the Culture.

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28 year old Raphael Wright is making major play moves and noise in the city of Detroit. If you haven’t heard of him, let me give you some insight. Raphael Wright is a Detroit Native who was born, raised, and still resides in Detroit today. He’s the CEO and co- founder of Urban Plug L3C. He also has his own company called Plug’d media, which is a hip hop media outlet that distributes and publishes books, music, art, film, apparel, and interactive media. Wright decided to launch a go fund me project to purchase and open a Black owned and operated Grocery store on the Eastside of Detroit a little under a year ago. His goal is to rebuild the Black economy, and as he stated, in order to do so we (Black people) must invest in our needs. “Every community needs a grocery store and to see most of our communities in Detroit without a viable grocery store is driving my passion.”
 Wright isn’t only an Activist, Father, Entrepreneur, and CEO with a plan for a local grocery store, but he’s also a well read author. Wright’s favorite authors are Robert Greene and Nicolo Machiavelli. Wright wrote a book titled “How 2 hustle,” and he also has a new book titled “Wealth.” His passion for teaching the black community how to become financially stable and wealthy is due to his experiences around other cultures and how money is obtained and operated between them. Wright is making it his duty to give Black people the financial game.
It’s always interesting to know how far people have grown and developed as far as their mindset from youth to adulthood. Raphael is no different. He stated that in his youth, he was all about himself, because that is what he was taught- much like most of us. As he began to learn and experience more, he realized that what affects one of us affects all of us. He has been strengthening and building the community ever since then. He stated “As time and life happened, I realized the power of unity and community strength.” When asked about his struggles, he explained that he struggles with changing the culture and indulging in the vices of the current culture. He wants to find a balance between the two. Wright is supported by many, and finds his strength when struggling from within himself. It sounds to me like Wright is in touch with multiple levels of consciousness.
Even though Wright has a busy schedule, he still finds the time and energy to continue to work with Detroit’s male youth. He plans on creating more formal programs to continue his leadership work. In the words of Wright: “Leaders have to build leaders.”
I asked Mr. Wright who his favorite Black activist was, and if he could hold a conversation with one Activist from the past or present who would that person be? It didn’t surprise me that a young Black man with so much drive, resilience, and knowledge selected Malcolm X as his favorite Activist and Marcus Garvey as the Activist to hold a conversation with. In our history those are two very important figures that made their stance clear and concise, yet don’t get the credit they deserve.
It’s very rewarding to be able to come in contact with people like Raphael Wright. He has goals and plans for the community that he is putting into action all while remaining human. He didn’t mind telling Let’s Talk Rae Style about his struggles with our current culture while teaching and living within a new culture. We all indulge in some things that may be frowned upon, but it’s always important to remember that we created a culture because our original culture was stripped from us. So, it’s perfectly okay to blend the current with the new. We as an ethnic group are constantly growing, changing, developing, setting new standards, and breaking barriers.
Let’s Talk Rae Style would like to thank Raphael Wright for his interview and for his contributions to the culture and community.
To learn more about Mr. Wright and his publications please visit his site www.rafawright.com and to contribute to his Go Fund Me account visit www.gofundme.com/starting-a-community-grocery-store
                             ORIGINAL INTERVIEW Q&A ARE LISTED BELOW

Ashley Rae: You launched your go fund me account a few months shy of a year ago for a Black owned and operated grocery store. At what point in your life did you realize the community’s lack of governing our own food source was a problem?

Raphael: I realized how important us controlling our own food was when I dedicated myself to social entrepreneurship. We as a people will never build an economy without investing in our needs (food, banking, medicine). Every community needs a grocery store and to see most of our communities in Detroit without a viable grocery store is driving my passion.

Ashley Rae: What made you decide to focus on uplifting and informing the Black community financially?

Raphael: I’ve been exposed to so much when it comes to money while engaging with so many groups of people that I know our race is hustling backwards. So, I’m making it my duty to give our people the game.

Ashley Rae: Who’s your favorite writer/author and favorite Black activist?

Raphael: My favorite authors are Nicolo Machiavelli and Robert Greene. My favorite black activist is Malcolm X.

Ashley Rae: Do you feel like our parents’ generation dropped the ball in some ways? Particularly on informing us about how the world really operates, how we’re viewed as Black people, and on the matter of finances. Do you think they lacked the knowledge as well?

Raphael: I don’t think our parents had the knowledge or tools to teach us how to become wealthy and maintain our wealth. Our generation was taught to play it safe, that entrepreneurship was for dummies because school was more important, and that we shouldn’t support one another. We now know the real because we’ve experienced things these past 10+ years that’s showing us what direction we need to go in.

Ashley Rae: Have you always had the desire to bring love and unity into the community or did it progress over time?

Raphael: In the past, I only worried about myself because that was the mentality I was taught. As time and life happened, I realized the power of unity and community strength. There can’t be only one man on top. The community has to be on top.

Ashley Rae: We all have ups and downs especially as artists. Who do you call on other than God when you need to be motivated and recharged?

Raphael: Most of my motivation comes from within or indirectly from me watching other people win, especially from an entrepreneurial sense. When I see people I know winning, it automatically pulls me in place when I’m down.

Ashley Rae: Who’s your number one supporter?

Raphael: I don’t know! I get love from a lot of places. Plus, there’s too many people who will say they’re my number one supporter so I’ll exercise my fifth amendment right.

Ashley Rae: When you were a kid, did you need someone like the adult version of you to speak with for guidance?

Raphael: No. The closest mentor I had was my older brother but that was all indirect. Nobody really pulled me in as a child or teenager.

Ashley Rae: What struggles are you or have you faced on your journey to serve the greater good, and as a writer? Have you always been as woke as you are today?

Raphael: I’m stuck between changing the culture and indulging in the vices of the culture. I’m woke being that I know the game but I’m human enough to admit I’m still with much of the ratchetness that we embrace. My struggle is finding a balance where it all makes sense.

Ashley Rae: Have you ever considered starting a program for young Black men in an initiative to help them progress and develop in life and also within the careers of their choice?

Raphael: I work directly with the youth, particularly males all the time. I’ve created a few formal programs in the past and have plans on continuing that work. Leaders have to build other leaders so that’s one of my real passions.

Ashley Rae: If you could have a conversation with one Activist past or present who would it be and why?

Raphael: I would love to speak to Marcus Garvey because he’s the first person that comes to mind when it comes to unapologetic blackness. I would love that conversation.

Treat yourself

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Every now and then I feel like the work that I’m doing isn’t enough. I find new ways to become more productive. I get a little lazy sometimes and put things off. I have a corporate job, run and write my own blog site, I’m a business writer (Business Service Solutions), and I’m in the middle of writing my second book.

The last 3 months have been hectic! I’ve been working nonstop. There has been constant brain storming, collaborating with other wtiters, working out, and my regular social gatherings. I can’t seem to actually go to sleep until 4am, and I have to get up around 7:30am. I’m a night owl anyway, but I typically try to get to sleep around 2am.

I really do try to sleep. I forgot to mention that I’m managing 3 Instagram pages and 4 Facebook pages. Needless to say I’m tired, and it’s hard to admit it! On my Business Service Solutions (@Business_Service_Solutions) Instagram page, I give a business tip every week. This week’s business tip is take a vacation!

It’s so important to take care of yourself, and put everything else on hold. Although I have technically had 3 vacations this year, I didn’t leave the state and I still worked all of my businesses. The only thing I didn’t do was work my 9-5. Today I’m taking a mini vacation. I have about 4 or 5 days off, and I’m flying out.

I’m going to try not to answer any emails or go to bed thinking about my next and/or current projects.

Treat yourself!

War on drugs!

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FACTS:

Law enforcement has been targeting people of color like Black men, Mexican Immigrants, and Mexican Americans as far back as the early 1900s. President Nixon initiated the war on drugs in 1971. During this time, drug usage was seen as rebellion by youth and for enjoyment during social gatherings. Of course President Nixon exaggerated the drug usage and its effects on people, and went on a crucifying crusade!

Nixon pumped up drug enforcement agencies and began the no-knock warrants and mandatory sentencing. John Ehrlichman (Top Nixon aide) stated as follows: “You want to know what this was really all about? The Nixon campaign in 1968, and the Nixon White House after that, had two enemies: the antiwar left and black people. You understand what I’m saying. We knew we couldn’t make it illegal to be either against the war or blacks, but by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroin, and then criminalizing both heavily, we could disrupt those communities. We could arrest their leaders, raid their homes, break up their meetings, and vilify them night after night on the evening news.”

There is much more I could say about Nixon and his antics with the “war on drugs,” but there is no point because the paragraph above explains it all. In the reign of Ronald Reagan, specifically 1981, Nancy Reagan started a huge anti-drug campaign. This was mainly due to images of African American people that were addicted to crack cocaine going public. The 80s is also when the DARE program was implemented, which was created to educate citizens on the effects of drugs. During this time you also saw a spike of people being incarcerated for nonviolent drug offenses. Here is a quick statistic for you: The incarceration rate went from 50,000 people to over 400,000 people due to nonviolent drug crimes due to the contributions of Presidents who held office between 1980 to 1997.

LET’S GET REAL:

Black people have been through hell when it comes to the Government and its “war on drugs,” which we know is just war against Black people. Let me be more specific: The soldiers from the Korean War which turned into the Vietnam War were actually given heroin! The body becomes dependent upon heroin, therefore it needs the drug to function. After the war, they sent this same soldier back home without a pot to piss in on top of an expensive addiction. Who is the real criminal in this matter?

I’m an 80’s baby. People always joke about 80’s babies being crack babies. It’s not a secret that crack hit all major cities in the 80’s. Drug addicts were thrown in prison, children were put into foster homes, and if you sold crack you were imprisoned as well. Using drugs was considered criminal, even though addiction is an illness! However, since Black people are almost always viewed as criminals, a Black person being on drugs was a double dose of madness for America.

Once again, countless amounts of families were destroyed due to law enforcement and the Government’s antics with drugs, imprisoning those with an illness when what they really needed was help from a rehab facility. Jail and foster care were the only options offered for Black families. How did cocaine get here anyway? Black people didn’t ship it here or get it approved to be shipped here (shade towards the Government).

Marijuana has always been controversial when it comes to people deciding if it should really be considered a drug because of all of its positive effects. However, if you’re Black, you can and will be punished for usage or distribution. The laws are slowly changing from State to State regarding marijuana.

CURRENTLY:

There is a huge opioid epidemic. There are billboards everywhere on getting addicts help. TV commercials are constantly regarding free rehabilitation for drug users. That’s a drastic change of heart from a few decades ago! Oh, I forgot to mention that Congress is putting a plan in place for the Government to fund over 3 million dollars to assist those who are addicts and need help. So, what happened from the smug attitude towards addicts in the 80s and 90s to today?!

The addicts today are White Americans. They love their OxyContin, which is an opioid. OxyContin is really just lab created heroin. Vicodin and meth are high on the list of White addicts. Now all of a sudden drug addiction is a tragedy affecting families, because those families are White. Although being addicted to any substance is sad, this Country and its policies have left me numb. I lack empathy and sympathy for the current drug epidemic. I’m looking for those same agencies that destroyed people that look like me to come and arrest those White families for their criminal acts of using drugs.

White families aren’t constantly being policed by law enforcement in a search for drugs. They aren’t stopped and frisked just because. They aren’t being pulled over for no reason and then forced to get their car searched. Yet, they are the ones using all the drugs. Where are the warrants for their homes? Where is their jail cell?

I’m waiting on citizens that have been given 20- 50 years to life in prison for nonviolent drug crimes to be released from prison! I don’t want them to just be released. I want their education, food, dwelling space, and life to be funded by the Government, because starting a life outside of prison is a challenge.

I created this article because I’m tired of people pretending that racism and systematic racism don’t exist! The war on drugs is a clear cut example of both! I also feel that not enough people are making enough noise about this blatant racism and discrimination. Until this Country and the citizens decide to right its wrongs involving the imprisonment and previous drug addictions of Black families, I am not concerned about those addicted to opioids. It’s not an issue or concern of mine.

The Government (“the system”) created all of this madness, so that same group needs to clean up their mess without my tax dollars!

For more information regarding this topic I suggest you read “The New Jim Crow’ by Michelle Alexander.

Someone knows what happened to Kenneka.

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The day I heard about the mysterious death of Kenneka Jenkins is the same day that I stopped sleeping at night. I’ve been discussing her via social media and praying for the release of her spirit and soul privately. No, I don’t know Kenneka or her family personally. But, do I have to in order to be filled with melancholy over her death? I was 19 before. I have a 19 year old niece and a 19 year old cousin. They like to hangout with friends just as I did and still do. .
I’ve been intoxicated before even though I was under age. I’ve done it all. Luckily none of my incidents turned fatal.

None of the information provided to the public regarding Kenneka’s death made sense. I still can’t believe authorities had the audacity to inform her Mother (Ms.Martin) that she walked in a freezer and froze to death. Keep in mind they told her this after she had been calling authorities and begging the Crown Plaza Hotel of Rosemeont, IL to review their cameras because her daughter was missing. First the hotel refused, and then they told Ms. Martin (Kenneka’s Mom) she wasnt on any footage.

After the police came to do a search of the hotel her body was found in a freezer of a kitchen that the hotel no longer uses. None of the other kitchen appliances were operating or plugged up but the freezer for some reason was. Alleged video footage of a much wider girl hit the internet staggering as if she had been drugged surfaced. It was allegedly Kenneka. It shows her going to different places in the hotel and walking into a kitchen, but nothing else! It’s not even a full video of footage: It’s pieces of clips. http://www.abc7chicagonews.com said police put together some instruments within the video to reconstruct what they believed was Kenneka’s path. That statement alone explains the lack of authenticity.

Kenneka’s death was ruled as an accident, and the case was officially closed this evening. I never believed that Kenneka’s death was an accident! Today photos of her body were released to the public. Indecent photos. Pictures of Kenneka’s lifeless body in a freezer on the floor with her breast exposed, her pants halfway up, a busted lip, and a shoe off and away from her foot! There is blood visible on her body as well as on the floor. There is also a large amount of dirt on the side of her Jordan gym shoe, and all up one side of her clothes. To be honest it looks as if Kenneka had been dragged on her side across the floor.

The photos that were released are disrespectful to Kenneka and her family. It’s apparent that there is no respect for the dead. Let me rephrase. There is no respect for a Black womans body parts or lifeless body as a whole, which is another reason why I feel her case is being dismissed! The pictures just raise more questions and speculation. If she froze to death why does she look beaten up? Why are her private parts exposed? Why is there blood on the floor? How could this be ruled as an accident? Who are the hotel and possibly the police trying to protect?

I hope someone has a conscience and decides to tell the truth about what happened to Kenneka. Kenneka is much more than just a teenage girl that lost her life. Kenneka is our daughter, little sister, favorite little cousin, niece, the little girl you watched grow up that lives down the street, and friend. Kenneka is you and I when we were young. Wouldn’t you want your community to care enough to discover the truth, and just maybe be able to provide your family with some closure?

Tell us what happened to Kenneka.

Budgeting and saving

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I started my blog because I wanted to inform the people about what’s going on in the world, and to help people comprehend situations and circumstances beyond the surface. In fact I want people to question everything that they were ever told, because many of us have been told untruths. My website (blog) is my small contribution to the people. Recently I decided upon some new categories. One of the categories is “MONEY TALKS!” I’m a person that has struggled with saving money because I lack discipline in this area. Simply put I am a spend thrift and I know I am not the only one. I buy what I want and I’m unapologetic about it. However, I know that saving money is important. It doesn’t matter how much money you make either. If you’re bad with money you can be a millionaire and still be broke.

This is the first post for the Money Talks category. I am pleased that Sonia Perkins-Thompson,  an entrepreneur with a Bachelor of Science in Business with a focus in financial management supplied LetsTalkRaeStyle with a video about budgeting. This is her contribution to the people.

A MESSAGE FROM SONIA!

“This video is a short “down to earth” basic why to create a budget. It gives examples and reasons on why creating a budget is so important. This video talks about the things we over look and do not think about when it comes to budgeting. We think sometimes it’s hard to budget and save but in reality, no one can win a game without a game plan. Focusing on the importance of discipline and other things mentioned in this video can lead to  the goals you have in life.” 

HERE IS THE VIDEO!

https://youtu.be/baSfxynMFeM

Am I a bad Mother?

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Mommy tears

By Katrina Hamilton

 

I cry when I’m alone. A lot. The thought of having to care for someone who depends on you and cannot survive without you is frightening. On top of that, my daughter screams my head off almost non stop on me, but is an angel with her dad. It’s frustrating. I’m always tired. I have a loved one who tends to criticize almost every decision I make regarding my child, and it makes me feel like I’m not doing anything right for my daughter. I miss my kid free life sometimes. I miss the freedom that I had when my husband and I could just wake up and hop in the car for a road trip, or go on a spontaneous date without the responsibility of having to bring a child along or find childcare for her. I have terrible anxiety. I’m always afraid to leave the house alone with my daughter, but I’m also always afraid to stay home alone with her. Of course I still end up doing both, but I’m in anxiety mode the entire time until we’re reunited with my husband.

I’ve battled some type of anxiety since the day my daughter was born. I’ve always dealt with it alone because I was afraid that if I shared my fears with my husband, I’d make him feel like it was somehow his fault, and because none of it is even remotely his fault (or anyone’s fault for that matter), that would make me feel even worse if he ever started feeling that way. I kept it from my friends who don’t have kids. I felt like like they couldn’t possibly understand. I also kept it from my fellow mommy friends because they all seemed like they had everything together. I’ve never seen them cry or complain. They always seemed so happy and eager to spend every waking moment with their little ones, so I figured this is what a normal mother should be like. I started feeling like maybe the feelings I had were selfish, and maybe I’m not a good mom because of those feelings, so I kept it to myself.

But then, a few days ago, I started scrolling through my Facebook timeline and a post that someone shared from a young mom popped up. She talked about the rough day in motherhood that she was experiencing. She talked about how she sat in her car at the store and cried. She talked about how sometimes she has to hide for a few, just to prevent herself from completely falling apart. That post had 18 THOUSAND shares. And then another post came across my timeline. It was a post from one of the mommy groups that I’m a part of. These mommies were on there pouring their hearts out about how rough it is to be a mom at times. Last time I checked, there were about 200 comments on that post. And then another post popped up. This mother said she cried and felt terrible about making her daughter eat school lunch because she was unable to get herself together to make her a homemade lunch. As I kept scrolling, I saw a few more posts from mothers who were having bad days and were beating themselves up about it. Up until recently, many of these mothers (myself included) kept these things to themselves, which I believe may also be a small part of why so many of us end up battling depression or anxiety. The more you keep things bottled up, the more it hurts you.

These posts made me realize that I’m not alone though, and that these feelings are perfectly fine to have. As much as we want to be, we are not Superwomen, and that’s ok. It doesn’t make us bad mothers at all. It doesn’t make us selfish, and it doesn’t make us crazy. It makes us normal human beings. There is no handbook to teach you how to navigate through motherhood, and you will have bad days. All of this is ok. You can cry, hide out for an hour, and even scream if you need to. You can then pick up the phone and call another mother to talk about it, because our feelings definitely need to be discussed more. They also need to be discussed with someone who has been in your shoes and will not judge you, and I guarantee that your other mom friends felt the same way at some point, and will be happy and relieved to have the conversation with you.

No matter what you are going through, and no matter how you’re working on addressing it, just remember that your breakdowns are ok, and you will be ok. Your babies love you, and no matter how you may be feeling about yourself at the moment, they think you are the greatest mommy in the world!